to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
