are you still at the devil's house?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sorry about my life...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
