Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
