So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
