Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
