Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
