We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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