In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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