if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
