Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
