im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
