I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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