dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
sick fucks of a feather flock together
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
