forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
