People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I didn't notice because vodka
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
