so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
