people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
