mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
