Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
