Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
