This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
