I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
