dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So much rum. So many feels.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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