i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
