y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
