I puked a lego.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
