i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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