yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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