I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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