I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
