im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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