I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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