he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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