community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
