He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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