since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
