Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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