Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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