My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
