when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
