u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
