It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
