She said her name was "party"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
