we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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