Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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