I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
