i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
