Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
