There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
