walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She needs sedatives and a leash
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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