Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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