Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
