Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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